The Original Fat Lady
Years ago I bought a brand new guitar off the rack at a place south of Boston in Brockton (Boston Guitar Works). The guitar was fantastic. I had researched the exact guitar I wanted and after quite a while finally settled on a Cole Clark Fat Lady. Every recording I heard of one had sounded great. Nice clear mid range, clean high end, crisp low end with great definition and clarity. It seemed miles ahead of anything in its price range. My suspicions were confirmed when I pulled it off its wall hanger at the guitar shop. However getting to this guitar shop and getting the guitar there was a bit of a hassle. At the time these guitars were very hard to find in the US (they are made in Australia), and years later its not like your going to trip over one walking down the street. I swapped emails and phone calls with reps from the company for weeks before they shipped 3 of them to this shop for me to try out. They all sounded fantastic. I left my wallet at home on purpose. I didn’t want to make a rash decision. Seems silly when I think back about it since it was a 3 hour round trip the guitar shop. When I went back to buy the Fat Lady the next day, the shop owner tried to tag another $250 onto the price he also told me the case was not included and that would be another $150. Needless to say I was a bit pissed he was trying to pull one over on me. After telling me several times the case was not included, I pointed to the label on the case that said “Cole Clark” and had written on it the Reps name from the company and serial number for the guitar. He quietly conceded. I showed him our emails about the pricing and he finally sold it to me after quite a bit of haggling for the original price we agreed upon, case included.
The guitar was fantastic! It played like a dream and it sounded unlike any acoustic guitar I’ve ever hear when it was plugged in. The electronics are just leaps and bounds past most everything on the market. It sounded like someone threw nice condenser mic right in front of it. I played that guitar hard and it wore its pick marks, and job related nicks and scratches with pride. While it wasn’t beat up, you could tell it had been played, gigged and loved. Still sounded fantastic. I would play shows and sound engineers and musicians would constantly want to know what I was playing. So full bodied plugged in, it had to be something worth checking out. For a gigging musician the weight of the guitar is fantastic, you can play a Cole Clark Fat Lady all night, those guitars are so light. They weigh nothing, yet sound so full!
My original fat lady stunning audiences. Wasn't she darling?
After owning it for about 2 and a half years it started to develop a body buzz. I called Cole Clark and they said they would cover any repairs needed. After visiting several Luthiers in the region, I found no one wanted to mess with it due to its unique bracing design and whatnot. Some couldn’t hear the buzz, but I sure could. Especially apparent on recordings. It was really sad. I swear I almost cried. I was playing a gig in Colorado and while there I had a Luthier I knew in the area take a good look at her for me. We isolated the area of the buzz. When I got back home I made a camera rig and took all sorts of photos of the inside and sent them Cole Clark. The president of the company got ahold of me. He had offered to replace my guitar with a brand new one. Even after 2.5 years. Wow. Now this was a heavy decision to make. I spent lots of time picking this specific instrument, comparing, contrasting, playing, scratching my head, asking my girlfriend questions she was not qualified to answer… I thought about this guitar in my sleep. I mean you don’t just get an acoustic guitar without playing it, shipped in mail and all. You just don’t do that. I procrastinated for a while and the buzz got worse. It turns out it was a bad glue joint on a metal rail they mount a transducer pickup on inside the guitar. Its nearly impossible to fix without wrecking the guitar. So I bit the bullet. Ah fuck it, I made the call and the new guitar was shipped to Canada from Australia, then to New York, then to me. I opened it up and I had already made up my mind before I touched it. ‘It wasn’t the same’ my mind told me! The guitar looked great, well not as nice as mine, but it looked great. The wood had some unique patterns and the finish was great (save one small mysterious scratch) I felt sorta bad since the one I was shipping back was kinda beat up. I loved that guitar. I played the new Fat Lady for a while and was a little disappointed for some reason. While it sounded FANTASTIC it just lacked some of the character of my original guitar. I missed that guitar, buzz and all. But at least I could record with this one, and record I did and it sounded amazing. Im still playing that same guitar they sent me everyday and I love it. I’d buy another Cole Clark in a minute. I wouldn’t trade it for a Taylor nor a Martin.
The New Fat Lady, seemingly every bit as good as her predecessor.
But that old fat lady. She was amazing. I often wonder what she’s up to these days. I only hope she found someone else to appreciate her for what she is. I can still feel her low end vibrating through my bones. So unique, so fat, so much love.
